Thursday, August 13, 2015

the code (might be the funniest thing you read all day)

If your bro is driving the car, give shotgun to his girlfriend.
Shotgun is a responsibility, not a privilege.
If you are sitting up front, you're not a passenger, you're the copilot, responsible for looking out for cops, and keeping the driver entertained.

If they helped you move you are compelled by intergalactic law to reciprocate.
If bro with truck assists you with moving, you shall reciprocate with a full tank of gas.

 If you borrow something gas powered (lawn mower, weed eater, chainsaw) you will:
Return it with and equal amount of gas. Bonus points if you fill it all the way up as a way to say thanks.
Provide your own gas.
If you break it you buy it.
If you have to replace it, you buy a better one.

If a bro dies while lifting, put more weight on the bar, then call 911.

If girlfriend / potential girlfriend / parent calls and says they're on their way - You are obligated to morph into Suzy housekeeper and speed clean your bro's place with him.

Never feel bad about taking the last beer or the last slice of pizza, however, don't take both you selfish waste of flesh.But only after you say "anybody want that last piece/can?" The first bro to ask, though, always gets it, no matter what the answer is, it is his unless there are extenuating circumstances (someone has yet to even get a slice, bro hosting is stone-cold sober, etc.). The right thing to do like you said is to give the green light to the bro who asked.

There are specific rules to the "head nod" when greeting another male, if you know them nod up, if you don't you nod down.

All groceries go from the vehicle to the house in one trip. It does not matter how many bags there are.
If a bros girl doesn't seem to know something about said bro, you shut the fuck up. Right fucking now.

If your bro is doing something stupid, you're doing something stupid. I guess we would call that....... Quid Bro Quo....

If it makes for a good story – do it.

If we are at a cookout and a man is running the grill no other man should touch the grill. They can stand around and chat, but can't flip the burgers.

Player 1 belongs to whoever owns the console.

Each man is awarded one "No questions asked" favor. No more, no less. After the favor is finished, you have no knowledge of any of the events that took part during fulfilling said favor.

If your bro dies, delete his internet history.

Beers are commendations, as it takes longer to drink and this time is to be used to heap praise upon the Medal of Bronour recipient.

If you are asked to bring something to a game that's alcohol related, don't cheap out and buy the cheapest of drinks.

If your friends girl is hot, and she has a ugly friend with her, take the rebound grenade so your bro can get some.

You never "lend" money to a bro. You give money. You may or may not ever see the money again and it doesn't matter. You may need the favor in return someday.
Conversely, you never take money from a bro. You borrow money, you will return the money with interest. Beer and gas are acceptable forms of repayment.

A bros mom is off limits unless she initiates it and/or is wearing at least 1 article of leopard print clothing. And when bro's mom let's the "leopard" out of the bag about the shenanigans you must never look at bro or call bro a stepson.

When your friends are already at the pub and you're joining them, it's your round.
When offered a beer, accept even if it's not "your brand". Your favorite brand of beer is "free". Your second favorite is "cold".

If a bro is the first to call dibs, dibs will be honored. Unless he willingly passes the torch.

If there're 3 people and 5 urinals, you assume the 1-3-5 formation. It is in fact allowed to talk at the urinals. If you are both drunk.

If your bro slow-motion shoots you, then you must slow motion die. Slow motion miming of bullet impacts is encouraged but not mandatory.

If a bro calls and says "I'm drunk, I need a ride home instead of driving" you will drop whatever you're doing and provide it, no questions asked. Until the next day when you are fully expected to give him shit for poor planning.

When a bro's gf calls you up and asks his whereabouts, ONLY acceptable answer is, "he is taking a shit, I'll ask him to call you later".

If a bro gets a new car, he must invite all the bros over and pop the hood for them. All the bro's bros must whistle and look absolutely impressed

Sorted out from the mess at https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3fwf2h/what_are_some_of_the_unwritten_laws_of_guy_code/

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